Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
