my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
it was like eating out sand paper
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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