so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
