babies were throwing up all over the place
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize