I want to have your abortion
I bet he comes in French.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
