i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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