So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
