Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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