Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
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