I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
