VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Randomize
