Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
this is an emotional support booty call
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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