I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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