I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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