in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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