i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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