if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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