the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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