He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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