Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
