yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
