Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
