My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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