Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I am mentally ready for anal.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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