I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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