Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
