i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
