I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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