apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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