This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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