hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Randomize
