You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I accidentally had phone sex last night
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
