Apparently you make a good broom.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
