i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize