Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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