I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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