Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize