my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
