What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i love accidental penises.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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