It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
