I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
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