i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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