: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
