New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
