Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
