I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
