Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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