the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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