I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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