I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
