Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Someone shattered a urinal.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
