Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
These tits shall not be calmed
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
