I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Randomize
