I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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