I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
