I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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