the condom got lost in my hair
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
