She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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