hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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