Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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