dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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