She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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