I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Randomize
