its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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