Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
