My nipple is on Facebook.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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