thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
