The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
