Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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