I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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