Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
