apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
