I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
