Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
