We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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