the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
