Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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