I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
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