Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
