hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
