I'm so fucking centered right now
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
