This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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