well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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