I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
