Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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