I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
