In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
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