I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
