I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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