Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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