By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize