you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
