I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
She is in my trunk
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
