it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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