I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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