So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
