After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
