anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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