I hate all girls vehemently.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
