took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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