Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
