You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
