The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize