What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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