i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
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