We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize