I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
