something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
