he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
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