That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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