Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
