dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
